O hai, I'm Brian. I'm 17 but I usually pass off as 18/19ish. l'll probably be posting and reblogging a lot of things including but not limited to, Dubstep, stenciling, street art, videos, stage crew, dancing, longboarding, lights, and photography.
Just shoot me a message if you wanna chat
It’s 2:30 in the morning and I’m honestly about to break down and cry in my dorm room. My roommate snores like a fucking whale and I can’t sleep and it’s driving me insane and I’m already having a bad moment and I really just wanna hold a pillow over his fucking face.
I’m trapped by my thoughts and insecurities and self hate and obsessions over things around me and this fucking douche bag of a roommate needs to move somewhere else, I’m tired of hearing him run his mouth and call girls sluts and be an overall dick. He’s got his fat fucking pimply ass crack in plain view of the room and I’m about to break his toes with pliers.
College is great. That is as long as the Internet actually works and the douche - mate is gone and when things aren’t overwhelming.
I haven’t burnt myself in about a month but I’m reaching my boiling point.
I’m not usually able to tell people about what I feel like because I feel judged and mocked by my peers. But I’ll basically give it a go.
I feel like people around me are plotting against me, deep down i know they’re not but my thoughts race all day long telling me that the girl that just looked at me weird wants to hurt me or that people will refuse to take my side in anything.
The best way I can describe my deepest fears is by adding this clip from the movie Silver Linings Playbook
Everything around me starts to spin and my walls start closing in and I feel trapped and I just want to lash out and get some room to breathe and I end up hurting people’s feelings and offending them. I feel attacked the majority of the time because I have views that go against the norm, I feel alone and like everything is my fault and all I want to do is punish myself, and once I punish myself Im still upset and hurt and lonely and i just want to get back at the people that made me hate myself in the first place.
I guess what I’m saying is that I want to be left alone and not harassed by people anymore, I want to feel safe and if you people on tumblr get undone about when people try to take away your voice but then go and bully people that disagree with you, then fuck you because you’re a hypocrite.
Writing this has calmed me down a lot considering I was ready to burn my arms until I couldn’t feel anything.
During the day I have fun, but at night when I’m laying here I get really homesick and have overwhelming moments. Thank you to anyone that reads this post, and if you have similar experiences could you shoot me a message, it would help a lot to have someone I can relate to
person: do u want to hang out
me: i have to ask my mom
me: *doesn't ask her*
me: she said no